WEEKS 110-137

MATT'S TOP 10 FROM SINGAPORE

Weeks 110-137: May 12, 2013 – November 23, 2013

Happy Friday everyone!  I was looking at the last time I published a blog and it said May 29.  Time sure does fly by!  Crazy!

T-Minus 4 Months until we come home…Lisa and I are definitely looking forward to spending quality time with everyone in the States again!

Thanks to those who have emailed me recently asking for an update.  Seeing Lisa was travelling, last weekend I sat down and finally wrote an update.  For those interested, here you go.

I hope everyone has a great holiday season – EMC actually sprung for a live Christmas tree this year in the office so things are looking ‘Christmassy’ here in good old Singapore – outside of the rain from rainy season and the ninety degree weather J.

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1. Taiwan…

I actually made my first trip to Taiwan a couple of months ago on a work trip.  Here’s a few of my experiences/observations:

a) Taipei 101:

First, our EMC office is in a pretty cool building – The Taipei 101.  At one time, it was the tallest building in the world:

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I think if I had an office with a window here, I wouldn’t get any work done.  Check out the views from the office:

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b) Dinner:

So the office was pretty cool…but the chicken testicles and pork kidneys that were on the menu at dinner were not cool at all:

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c) Taxi Driver:

Also not cool - our taxi driver who was more interested in watching the soap opera on the tv in his dashboard than watching the road:

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d) Breast Feeding:

Now that got your attention, didn’t it…

This was something that you don’t see every day.  Our hotel had a separate room off the lobby for breast feeding – and it was even called out on the hotel directory (second from bottom):

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e) Bathrooms

How could I go to a new country and not have a special callout to the bathrooms.  I’m not sure why, but both the bathroom in my hotel room and the bathroom in the office had these signs telling you that you needed to hold the flush button down for 3 seconds.  Very odd:    

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f) Check out this sign outside of our office ‘Pet Not Allowed.’  Never mind, ‘Pets’…you just can’t bring a ‘Pet’ in.  The thing that confuses me (and that I still have a question about) is if you just can’t bring a goat into the office (because that’s what it looks like from the picture), or if all ‘Pet’ is prohibited J

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2. Worldwide Toilet Day

In honor of worldwide toilet day on November 19 – I don’t make this stuff up people…check out the website: http://worldtoiletday.org/ - here’s a few more to add to the list of my favorite bathroom ‘situations’ here in good old Asia:

a) Remember the little pictures that are painted on toilet urinals here in Singapore to help people with their ‘aim?’  I’ve mentioned them on a couple of different occasions in this blog describing the toilets here at work in Singapore and also at the airport in Singapore:

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I was recently in our Beijing office and they decided to follow suit there – probably because the amount of pee on the floor from people not ‘aiming’ properly was getting out of control.  The only issue with the China method was that they were using stickers.  They weren't using industrial type stickers that you might think they would use – oh no – they used stickers like the ones your kid would get on their papers in school for doing good work.  Check out the labels on them too – notice they are in English and not in Mandarin:

'HERE GOOD':

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'PERFECT':

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So let’s think about this – water + pee + stickers…does this make a good combination?   Needless to say, the stickers were there in the morning when I used the bathroom and later that afternoon, they were sitting in the drain. 

A+ China for thinking of ways to have people not pee on the floor…F- for execution.

b) Check out this news of a new toilet in one of the nightclubs here in Singapore – it actually analyzes your alcohol level.  This is from an article that was recently published here in ‘Big Think:”

The Pee Analyzer consists of a RFID card, which the customer takes in exchange for his car key.  There’s a testing device installed into the club's urinals, which reports his alcohol level both on a screen in front of him and to the card itself. If the customer is too drunk to comprehend the screen's message -- "Maybe you've had one too many to drive; call a cab or use our drive home service" -- he will still need to hand his card back to the valet, who will run it through an RFID reader and repeat the recommendation.

For all the crappy toilets here in Singapore (pun fully intended), this one actually is pretty hi-tech.

The picture comes from the same toilet being advertised in “Digital Trends.”  I can’t say I’ve seen it myself yet…but I know that I’m doing next Friday night J

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c) Just your friendly reminder to not squat on toilet bowl seats here in Singapore because you might lose your footing and fall in…

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d) If I’m not supposed to put toilet paper into the toilet, then where am I supposed to put it????  I assume in the small garbage pail that’s also in the bathroom stall – totally disgusting.  You also to have to love the phone in the bathroom…

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d) This sign is located in the bathroom at a Mexican restaurant in Singapore.  $10 Singapore dollars to the person who can explain to me why this is above the toilet bowl…

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3. Not sure what’s more expensive…buying the Boardwalk property or buying the actual Monopoly game…

I was in the department store the other day looking for a light bulb to replace – let me tell you how hard it is to find light bulb replacements in Singapore…but I digress.

I walked down the toy aisle and casually looked over at a Monopoly game that was on sale.  Check out the price of this bad boy - that's right, that's $79.90 SGD or $63 US Dollars!  Gotta love the price of things here.

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4. Disgusting

Now I’ve seen some pretty gross stuff here in good old Asia – from the bathrooms to some of the food options, etc.  Believe it or not, many of the things I don’t even put in this blog (mostly because I forget about them when I get around to writing J).  This one however, I have not been able to forget…and because it’s etched in my mind, I figured I’d share it with all of you for the purposes of discussion.

Granted, gross things happen everywhere in the world – and the good old US has its fair share of moments – but this one takes the ultimate prize for me.  Just writing this makes me want to throw up.

Here’s the situation that happened at work last week:

a) Guy from floor below enters elevator (I won’t mention the company he works for, but it’s a very large financial institution with a ‘J’ and a ‘P’ and a ‘Morgan’ in its name)

b) Guy has what appears to be a seed in his hand (it looked to me like it was a seed from an orange)

c) On the entire ride down, guy proceeds to pick at his cuticles and dig under his finger nails with orange seed

d) As we approach the first floor (just before we got out of the elevator), guy proceeds to take the orange seed and to toss it in his mouth and suck on it like it’s a piece of hard candy

e) Matt proceeds to throw up in his mouth

Feel free to discuss this little ‘incident’ over dinner tonight and let me know what your thoughts are.

5. The Dreamliner…

Believe the hype – this plane is pretty cool to fly on.  From the big windows that dim with the touch of a button to the larger overheard compartments to the cool lighting on board…this plane is really nice.  My favorite part – they have windows in the bathroom!

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This is not Dreamliner specific - but I was on the Dreamliner (JAL Airlines) recently going from Beijing to Tokyo.  Instead of asking us what we wanted for meals, the flight attendants showed us pictures of the meal options on a cardboard card – my response: ‘I’ll take the mystery meat on the right.’  She wasn’t very amused with me.  The picture isn't great (because I didn't want to look too obnoxious snapping a photo), but here's what the cardboard card looked like: 

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When it came time for beverage selection, I ordered an Asahi (Japanese beer) and they proceeded to ask me if I wanted it hot or cold.  I obviously asked for it cold – but the guy next to me asked for a warm beer and they proceeded to pour warm water into a cup that they poured the beer into – very different.

6. It’s  finally happened…

It was just a matter of time…

On a recent trip to Tokyo, we were at a restaurant and instead of giving us traditional menus, they gave us iPads to order from.  Pretty cool concept – touch the pictures of the food you want to order from and it arrives at your table.  You could even pay on the iPad through their online interface.  I give it 5 more years before this becomes the norm at every restaurant.

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7.  Another classic Singapore moment…

Gotta love Singapore’s latest public service campaign – could they be anymore inappropriate with their photos?

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Here’s a few other interesting signs I’ve seen recently around Singapore:

a) Make sure to ‘Be CareFULL’

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b) Tree ‘Under Nursing’

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c) ‘Please don’t litter into the hand dryer – whatever that means…

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8.  Nice Outfit…

I bet some of you thought golf outfits were odd in the US.  Check out these two ladies that were golfing in front of us a few weeks ago.   I especially like the pink teddy bear tee holder that the girl on the right is wearing on her belt.  Where do you even buy these things????

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9. Uncle Cab Driver

So I’ve been working on this list for awhile which analyzes Singapore’s cab drivers.

Seeing we don’t have a car here in Singapore, we take a lot of cabs.  For those that live in a big city, the below experiences may not be news (i.e. not unique to Singapore), but cabs have been a new experience for peeps from the suburbs like Lisa and me over the last three years.

First I have to explain what an ‘Uncle’ is here in Singapore.  An Uncle in Singapore is basically a generic term to describe males who are middle aged or older.  For example, notice this sign at work that has been ‘conveniently’ hung up to remind the ‘Uncle’ on how to do his job - I love this place:

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When we first moved, here, I thought it was a term that was used as a sign of respect…however, after being here for almost three years, I’m not too sure.  I’ve seen the word thrown around in a number of different situations that weren’t too respectful.

Either way, many people refer to taxi drivers here in Singapore as ‘Uncles’….so for the purpose of my 'in depth' analysis of Singapore’s taxi drivers, I will do the same.

Here’s how I classify Singapore’s cab drivers – let me caveat this by saying that my list might make more sense to those here in Singapore:

a) ‘Uncle Jerky’: Your classic Singapore cab driver who does not know how to properly use an accelerator in a car.  Accelerate, coast, accelerate, coast, accelerate, coast…makes you feel like you’re on a amusement park ride and also gives you the urge to smack the guy in the back of the head from the backseat.

b) ‘Uncle Politics’: EVERY cab driver LOVES to talk about Singapore politics and how bad the current administration is – regardless of which party is in office.  When you get in a cab, it’s like watching CNN around election time in the US.

c) ‘Uncle How Much Do  You Pay To Live Here’: They love to ask you how much it costs to live where you do when they drop you off.

d) ‘Uncle I Keep My Coffee in a Bag on the Steering Column of my Cab’: Local coffee in Singapore is often sold in a plastic bag with a straw…and many cab drivers like to hang the bag off of their steering wheel.  Every time I see one it reminds me of a urine bag in a hospital.

e) ‘Uncle Stinky’: 1 in 5 cabs smell SO bad here that you would have thought that the guy had either gone to the bathroom right in the front seat or have not showered in the past 10 years.  I’ve now taken the upfront approach of asking drivers what the smell is – Lisa doesn’t like when I do this J

f) ‘Uncle Moth Ball’ – In line with the last one, I can’t tell you how many cabs smell like a box of moth balls

g) ‘Uncle I’m 120 Years Old and Shouldn’t Be Walking Nevermind Driving’: Enough Said…

h) ‘Uncle I Like To Drive and Tweezer My Face At The Same Time’: Not only weird, but totally gross to be picking at your face with tweezers while driving – and this hasn’t just happened once or twice…I've seen this in many different situations.  I also love the drivers that clip their nails when they are stopped at traffic lights.

i) ‘Uncle Don’t Bother Me While I’m Reading The Newspaper and Driving’:  This takes skill people.

j) ‘Uncle I Have Too Many Buckets of Dirty Liquid in My Trunk To Fit Your Suitcase’: I’m not even sure what’s in the buckets, but so many cabs have these in their trunk. I don’t even like to put my bag in the trunk when I see these disgusting buckets of God only knows what.

k) ‘Uncle Hawker’: I love the cab drivers that are constantly spitting and hawking up spit.  The other day I had a cab driver hawk something up and spit it out the window on the highway.  It didn’t quite make it as far as he wanted and it ended up hitting the back passenger window where I was sitting – so I had to look at it for my entire ride.  Yummy.

l) ‘Uncle I’m Better Than The Rest of The Cab Drivers Because I Drive A Mercedes Cab’: Yup – only in Singapore do you find some cabs that are actually Mercedes.

m) ‘Uncle My Credit Card Machine is Broken’: Don’t lie to me dude – I know your machine isn’t broken – you just want my cash.

n)  ‘Uncle Not So Good-Lah’: Don’t ask how a cab driver is doing – because most answer with ‘not so good’ and then proceed to refer to talk about politics as I referred to in ‘B’ above.

o) ‘Uncle I Have Too Much Crap on My Dashboard To See Out Through The Windshield’: SO many cab drivers like to litter their dashboards with stuff – some religious symbols and some just a bunch of crap – I don’t get it.  I especially like those who have the ‘waving kitties’

p) ‘Uncle I Won’t Drive Because It’s Raining’: Try getting a cab in Singapore when it’s raining.  You have a better chance of finding a clean public bathroom here.

q) ‘Uncle I Don’t Know What Those White and Yellow Lines in the Middle of the Road Are’: Similar to ‘Uncle Jerky,’ so many drivers think the lines in the middle of the roads are just ‘suggestions.’

Ok – I’m done venting about cabs here.  I like to joke, but the cab situation in Singapore is actually pretty efficient, clean, and convenient compared to other parts of the world…like India.

10. India Commutes

Speaking of India - I don’t ever want to hear anyone complain about rush hour again.  On a recent trip to India, I was reminded just how lucky we are.  I was on my way back to the hotel from the office when I passed a bus packed with people.  I wasn’t able to snap a photo of the exact bus we passed, but here’s a similar picture of one I found on the site ‘lolindia’:

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And if you think the buses are bad, check out the trains:

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Now obviously this doesn’t happen every day and in every city in India, but I honestly can’t imagine having to battle through this - if it looks this bad on the outside, could you imagine how bad it is on the inside?!?!  Gotta love India!

Until next time…

I hope everyone is doing well!

WEEKS 91-109 [PART 2]

MATT'S TOP 10 FROM SINGAPORE

Weeks 91-109: December 30, 2012 – May 11, 2013 [PART 2]

 

1. Fun with the locals in Japan

Meet my new best friend from Japan.  We were out with some colleagues at this place in Tokyo where they have a large number of small bars in one area.  Each bar has a different theme and has room inside only for 5-10 people. 

This young chap was out of his mind drunk when we walked inside the bar he was at.  This was the first bar we were visiting and we had nothing to drink at the time.  He didn’t speak much English so he kept trying to communicate with us by literally grunting (there were also a few growls in there).  I couldn’t help myself and definitely needed a picture with him.  Put this one in the old scrapbook.

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2. Sorry, I can’t shake your hand with that ‘thing’ protruding from it…

I forgot all about this one until I saw it again the other day.  The guy who delivered the tv to our house when we first moved here had one long pinkie fingernail on his right hand.  It was about 2 inches in length and was curling at the end.  I asked around and come to find out back in the old days in China, long fingernails were a sign you were rich and didn't do manual labor.  Sometimes people now grow out the pinkie as a sign of culture, breeding and wealth.  This past weekend our taxi driver was sporting this super hot status symbol.  Kind of interesting (and a little gross) all at the same time...(This is not the exact picture of the guy I saw - I was not able to snap a picture without being obvious - so I found this one online to illustrate) 

 

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3. Kiasu…

I’ve been meaning to talk about this in my blog for a while whereas it’s one of those things that bothers me in Singapore.  Now let’s not kid ourselves – I let lots of things bother me/push my buttons, but this one is really annoying.  To get a definition of ‘kiasu’ I pulled the following from Wikipedia:

“Kiasu is a Chinese word that literally means 'fear of losing.'  In Singapore it also manifests itself in queue jumping or barging (for example going into lifts, on and off MRT trains, joining escalators or passing through doors). Certainly no thanks is given for holding open a door or waiting for another to pass. Generally this is achieved by the person barging not looking at the other person or people, and as such when the eye is caught by the person being barged results in either "sorry, lah" with a guilty look or alternatively a torrent of abuse, in particular if the person being barged is outwardly western in appearance; an "ang moh" (roughly translated as "red hair" or "red skin").

It also manifests itself on the roads, particularly where merges occur. The zipper approach to merging is difficult to achieve in a kiasu environment where not being last (if not outright winning) is of primary importance. Again this is achieved by apparently "not seeing" other cars.

The root of this approach was (for a period) actively encouraged by the Singaporean Government, largely out of necessity, through the early 1970s. The Government declared that they would make a success of Singapore through hard work and commerce, and that if you wanted to get ahead, it was up to you. A positive aspect is that the state is not looked upon as a universal provider, and that drive and energy took Singapore through a social and environmental transformation, and turned it into the massive centre for commerce that it is today.

However the Singaporean Government has made attempts to temper Kiasu-ism slightly. Now signs are used at many lifts and MRT doorways to remind people to let those coming off the train to come through before blindly stepping on or in. Beyond that even "Politeness Campaigns" on a public information basis have been employed to attempt to bring a new manner set into use.”

I love the fact that they have to run “politeness campaigns” and put up signs reminding people of common manners.  Again, you can just imagine how well I fit in with this general ‘way of living.’ :)  That being said, I am determined before I leave here to teach the Singapore population how to hold a door for another person…one person at a time.  I figure that since I’ve already been here almost two years I’ve probably tried to teach well over 200 people how to hold a door for each other – my guess is that out of the 200, not even one has understood what I’ve been trying to teach them…I’m not giving up though!

4. More ‘interesting’ signs from good old Asia:

That’s really goodly English.  Check out this bumper sticker from a car in Singapore.  You would never guess English is the primary language here:

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This sign was at the airport in Tokyo.  Be carful because the black ghost blob might steal your bag. 

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Hello Kitty is HUGE here.  Personally, I don't get the appeal - but they make millions off of it...and supposedly you can 'get lucky' with Hello Kitty:

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I can't remember if this was in Tokyo or Hong Kong - but I love the panda bear telling you to aim properly at the urinal in the bathroom:

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Believe it or not, this is actually a reasonable price for Greay Goose vodka: 

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This was at a rest stop in India:

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5. Latest Airplane Observances

A few more things on airplanes that rub me the wrong way.  Let me caveat this by saying that not all my flights have ‘incidents’ that happen.  In fact, most are average/normal flights with average/normal people.  However, it just seems that lately there has been an influx in incidents that provide good blog fodder:

a) The worst part about flying – deplaning/getting off the plane (i.e. that awful time on a flight when the little seatbelt sign rings signaling it’s ok to get up out of your seats and get off the plane).  I swear, that little bell signal brings out the absolute stupid in people.  Hey everyone – why don’t we all just jump up at the same time, push and shove each other while trying to get bags out of the overhead compartments and then try to push to an unopened door.  Absolute idiots.  I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been sitting in an aisle seat and have had people literally trying to climb over the top to me to get into a crowded aisle where there’s no room for them to go.  “Hey moron – don’t you think I would have gotten into the aisle myself if there was room?”

Now take all this and add on top of it Singaporeans and the ‘kiasu’ I mentioned above – and then add good old Matt in the middle of it – it’s like oil and water people…

b) I just love when you’re sitting in the middle of an airplane and food service time comes around (for those friends back in the US asking what food on an airplane is, they actually still serve free meals on planes here in Asia – no ‘snacks in a box’ that they charge $12 for like back home – and they actually give you menus in economy to choose your food from – at least on Singapore Air they do – and I will say that most flights over here are over 5 hours – so you do get hungry).  Sorry – I digress….

The thing that bothers me is when you’re sitting in the middle of the plane and they have four food carts.  The food cart comes around and it starts in the row directly behind you. …meaning you have to wait until the one that has started 20 rows in front of you to get to you – at which time they never have your meal choice available.  I write about this because on my last 3 Singapore Airlines flights I’ve been that guy eating some leftover vegetarian dish which is ice cold because they had nothing else left.

My advice to all those that fly – sit near the front of the plane – easy in / easy out, and you get served food (and more importantly drinks) first.

c) Remember what I mentioned last time about not using airline pillows and how a guy next to me was using it to blow his nose in on my last flight home?  I have another item to add to that list.  On a recent flight back from Delhi, India, the guy next to me was sick and had a runny nose.  He didn’t have any tissue (or a pillow) to wipe his nose with and I think he got tired of wiping his nose on his hand and shirt.  At one point, he picked up the headphones from the airline and used the foam air pieces to wipe his nose.  I thought I was going to vomit right there and then.  This BTW was the same guy who had taken off his shoes and socks when he  sat down and proceeded to put his feet under my seat (IN my personal space) throughout the flight.  Matt + feet ≠ Happy Matt

So take this as another lesson – If the headphones they give you don’t come in a plastic bag – DON’T USE THEM.  PLEASE!  Better yet, just bring your own headphones.

I think that flying not only brings out the absolute stupidity in people, but it also brings out the absolute unsanitary/grossness in people.

It isn’t always all bad.  One out of 100 flights we do actually get an upgrade.  Lisa and I recently got upgraded from a flight from Tokyo to Singapore.  We had wine, pretzel bread, and the movie ‘Old School’ on the tv.  It doesn’t get much better than that in an airplane!

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6. China Domestic Airline Carriers – a whole other ‘flying experience’

Now – even worse than above –flying on domestic China flights.  Recently I had the ABSOLUTE pleasure to fly inter-China - Shanghai to Wuhan to Chengdu - on some domestic China airlines – China Air, China Easter Airlines, and Xiamen Air  (that’s right – Google that last airline – thank you EMC for finding me the cheapest available travel option).   Three observations from this trip

1. On one flight, instead of making a ‘buckle your seat belt’ announcement, they instead walked up and down the aisles with a cardboard sign telling you to buckle up.  I kid you not.  I wish I had a camera readily available to capture this one.  I think I was too dumbfounded to even pull my iPhone out quick enough to capture a picture.

2. Not that these signs even matter because people on domestic China flights don’t even pay attention.  On my Chengdu flight back to Hong Kong, I again had an aisle seat.  Before the wheels of the plane even touched down (I’m talking during final descent), people were standing up, opening the overhead compartments, and getting their luggage down.  The lady at the window seat in my aisle actually stood up and was literally climbing over me as the wheels touched down – causing her to be jolted into my lap.  Good times…

3. On my Shanghai to Wuhan flight I was lucky enough to sit in the emergency exit aisle.  When I sat down in the seat, the flight attendant came over to me and made it clear that I was not to touch the red emergency release handle on the emergency door next to my seat.  Hmmm…let me think about that one for a second – do you meant that I’m not supposed to try to open the door when we’re 35,000 feet in the air.  It really makes me think how many people have actually tried this in the past onboard some of these airlines. 

BTW – one guess on whether I accepted the mystery meat in a box that came in the onboard meal service :)

7. Should I be scared or comforted?

I’ve seen these masks/smoke hoods in closets before at hotels…but I’ve never seen one sitting on the pillow of your bed when you walk into your hotel room.  This is what was waiting for me when I arrived at my hotel in Wuhan, China on a recent trip.  Luckily I did not have to use it during my stay – however I did consider whipping it out of the box and wearing it so I didn’t have to breathe in the smell of raw sewage that was hanging in the air outside of our hotel.

 

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8. WAKE UP!...

It's odd - people sleep in the most random places at the most random times here in Singapore.  It seems like every day, I see a handful of people passed out like it’s their job.  These are just random folks who decide that they’ve had enough and decide to stop doing whatever they’re doing for a siesta.  The other day at work, the girl outside my office was asleep at her desk.  2:00 in the afternoon and she was out cold.  Lisa caught a guy sitting next to her out cold the other day too.  At least you’d think they’d have the decency to climb under their desks for their nap (following in the footsteps of the great George Costanza).

Outside of work I recently saw a women curled up on the bench at the mall.  She had a bunch of shopping bags in her hand and her kid sitting next to her.  I honestly was a bit worried that she wasn’t ok with her kid sitting next to her.  When I tapped her on the shoulder to ask if she was ok, she gave me a death stare as if she was going to bite my head off.  “So sorry to have woke you up as your four year old kid is just randomly sitting there.”

Starbucks too - here’s a picture I snapped of a guy in the coffee shop – again, passed out cold.

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9. Gardens By The Bay

Here’s Singapore’s latest brain child on how to spend $1.1B – Gardens by The Bay.  I swear, this country has WAY too much money.

They built these gardens on reclaimed land – i.e. land they took back from the ocean by backfilling it with a bunch load of dirt.  Obviously this is not cheap to do – so you can imagine how valuable this land is.

Now granted, these gardens are pretty amazing and I recommend that if you ever get a chance, you see them – but come on - $1.1B.  I can think of a lot better things to do with $1.1B to help the betterment of this world…

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10. Check two new things off the old food list…

On a recent trip to China we were at dinner and they served two items that I had never tried before – in fact, I would have probably never tried these things if we were not out with a customer – ox tongue and chicken feet.  Here’s a picture of the chicken feet.  Now all of those out there who want me to send them some of these goodies back home, please raise their hand:

 

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