WEEKS 4 & 5

MATT'S TOP 10 FROM SINGAPORE

Weeks 4 & 5: May 1, 2011 - May 14, 2011

1. Lots of airplane food this past week...

Singapore - Tokyo - San Francisco - Vegas - Chicago - Boston - Chicago - Tokyo – Singapore – Sydney - Singapore

The top ten this week again comes from 37,000 feet.  As I type, I'm on my way to Sydney with my manager Andy (who is here from the States) for a bunch of meetings.  Last week I was unexpectedly asked to go to Vegas attend meetings at EMC World (for those non EMCers out there, it's our companies annual Customer conference).  18 hours to Vegas is a long time to fly, but it is one of my favorite cities (in small doses!). It also gave me the chance to get back to Boston for a few days at the end of the week to spend some time with Lisa...it was short, but well worth the long flights.

Here's some highlights/lowlights from my flights over the past two weeks:

- Middle seat from Singapore to Tokyo sitting next to a woman who keeps talking to me about the world ending or "judgment day" as she calls it on May 21.  If I knew this was going to happen I would have prepped myself with an enema before the flight in order to numb myself to the pain.  I tried really hard to be polite for the first 3 hours of the flight.  I even took her literature.  After that, she started questioning why I was drinking bloody marys.  I didn't have the heart to tell her that it was so I could try to deal with her end of the world talk...she told me that alcohol was the  drink of the devil and that I shouldn't be drinking...I guess I know how I'm going to be judged.

In case anyone is also interested in reading the literature, here's a quick snapshot.  Be sure to tip back a few before diving into it...

By the way, how'd this end of the world thing end up working out?  Did the world end?  I'm kind of detached from reality over here in Singapore.

- After the "hell" I sat through on the first 7 hour flight, I decided to treat myself to an upgrade to business class from Tokyo to San Francisco using some airline miles (EMC's policy is that you fly "toilet class" even if the flight is a million zillion hours long unless you fly over 100K a year or if your title has VP in it - seeing I don't fit any of these categories, it's normally the back of the bus for these long 15+ hour flights.  Hopefully next year I'll have that magical 100K number under my belt)  Anyway....It's been awhile since I've flown business on an international flight - I couldn't believe my seat turned into a full bed and that the food was some of the best I had since leaving the States - yeah that's right....I did just say that about airplane food...but who could complain when the serve you a sushi appetizer and filet mignon for dinner...with all the wine you could drink...I was a happy camper...

- Back to reality from San Fran to Vegas -  My seat in the back of the bus is more of what I'm accustomed to...at least it's a Vegas flight and most people are in that happy party like mood which is normal for flights TO Vegas...so much optimism!  It's the flights home from Vegas that are the tough ones - severely hung over and broke.  No filet mignon here either - just a banana and a banana loaf - yum

- I can't wait for the month of June when United refreshes it's movie selection.  If I see the movie "Little Fockers" one more time, I think I'm going to start looking like Ben Stiller.  And don't even get me started about how many times I've seen Toy Story 3.

- From Boston to Chicago I had an aisle seat.  Sitting in the middle seat next to me was this man with his son sitting in the window seat (son was about 15 years old).  The poor kid was sick , but there's a freakin' line you draw when it comes to being sick on an airplane.  At one point, he sneezed and had this big disgusting snot trail dangling from his nose.  He didn't have any tissue so his father handed him the airplane pillow to wipe his nose with.  It took everything in me to not throw up right there on the plane.  Not that I use them now, but needless to say, I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER use an airplane pillow in the future.

2. Elections are just as annoying here as they are in the US…

From what I was told m by my cab driver, last Friday is what was known as "cooling off" day in Singapore.  I was really hoping he was referring to the heat and humidity cooling off a bit...but he was instead referring to the election.  Saturday was a huge day in Singapore whereas it was election day 75 of the 78 parliament seats are being contested.  The day before I guess the parties don't campaign and "cool off" before the day of the election.  Can you imagine that ever happening in the US? 

3. What's the deal with A1 paper?

I have a hunch this also has something to do with this thing they call the metric system...what a pain for us that are used to "normal" US sized paper.  For those that don't know, A1 paper is the same width as paper as we know it, but it's about an inch longer.  For those out there who are far smaaarter than me , here’s a little blurb from my good friends at Wikipedia describing A1 paper (The significant advantage of this system is its scaling: if a sheet with an aspect ratio of √2 is divided into two equal halves parallel to its shortest sides, then the halves will again have an aspect ratio of √2)

Uhhhh….yeah….and this helps me how?  Clear as mud.

What this does mean is that none of the things I print out here fit into my notebooks..and because I'm super anal about stuff like that (and everything else in  life), I'm constantly folding the paper to make it fit.  And because I'm so anal you can imagine how crazy it drives me to have paper that's folded in my notebook instead of being clean and neat.  Is it really too much ask for the world to all "get on the same page" and just agree on one standard size piece of paper?

4. The gum situation is not good...

Lisa was nice enough to send me a care package in which she put one of my biggest vices - gum.  I was in my office on Thursday and got a call from Fed Ex saying that I needed to go to the airport because my package was being held up by Singapore customs because it had gum in it.  It's illegal to ship gum into the country and the little bastards caught it….and then had the nerve  to not only confiscate it, but also fine me $50 SGD.  I thought I was home free until I unpacked the box last night and found the slip in the bottom of the box telling me that I owed them $50 or they were going to flag my employment pass (whatever that means).  I was so tempted to tell them where they could shove their $50 along with the gum that that confiscated – but my the calm collective side of me (that doesn’t come out very often) sucked it up and paid the fine.  To think what I could have actually done with that $50 – like go to the bar and buy myself one beer. 

5. It's a button stupid…

What is wrong with people when it comes to elevators?  Not sure if this is indigenous to Asia or not, bit I'm seeing it all the time now that I ride an elevator at both work and home every day.  Why is it what when people get in an elevator and the button for the first floor is already pushed, that they feel the overwhelming need to push the damn button again.  "Hello Mr. and Mrs. Sigapororean -the light is already lit -meaning somebody already pushed the button - or in the case in Asia already pushed it 42 times.  Why do you feel like you have to push it again? Do you not trust the light?  Do you think we're going to get there faster if you push it again?  Do you just like pretty lights?" It's like Pavlov's dogs - instead ringing a bell and salivating for food, it's like getting in an elevator triggers something to make people button happy. 

And why do you have to push me out of the way to push the damn button.  One of these days I'm going to just bark at someone like a dog when they hit the button again - so that way I won't only be the tall American freak - I'll be the tall American freak that barks at them when they hit the damn button again on the elevator.

6. "So tell me what you want...what you really really want."

What is the Singaporeans obsession with the Spice Girls?  And why do I hear this song on the radio EVERY morning when I'm taking a shower.  And why do I have that song stuck in my head every day on the way to work?  And why am I singing that song right now?  I'll tell you what I really really want -that's to never hear the Spice Girls on the radio again...

7. The slow boat from the US to Singapore has finally arrived…

I'm happy to report our shipment of "goods" from the US has successfully arrived here in Singapore.  We shipped a total of 34 boxes of various goods (10 of those boxes were gum, but we can't tell the Singapore government that as noted above).  The amazing part of the whole process was watching the shipping company get to our apartment and unpack the goods.  They sent 8 guys to drop off and unpack the 34 boxes.  As most delivery people are here, they were very polite - always take their shoes off before entering your house...

Any guesses on how long it took 8 barefoot men to unpack the boxes.  Exactly 17 minutes and 30 seconds.  I'm dead serious.  I couldn't believe how quick they were.  It was like watching a bunch of little kids ripping apart Christmas gifts on Christmas morning - and then being nice enough to clean up the paper. 

8. You must deactivate the splash in "the hole."

The bathroom stall/"hole" at work (from Blog 1) still baffles the hell out of me.  In fact, moving forward, I'm going to just refer to it as "the hole."  I tend to ask everyone I meet if they actually use this hole.  I was out recently out and the guy we were having drinks with was all over the "hole" claiming it was the best thing in the world.  His big piece of advice: "Before using the hole, make sure to take some toilet paper and throw it into the hole.  It helps to "deactivate" the splash."

Think about that one for a little while.  And no - I still haven't used it....

I sooooo miss the bathrooms at work in Hopkinton.  I would pay some serious money to walk into a bathroom that actually has some air conditioning, that doesn't smell like a sewer, and that doesn't have bugs crawling around the sinks.  It would also be a bonus if I didn't have to see stand there and listen to people using the "hole."  I can't make this stuff up people... 

9. Line dancing flash mobs are one interesting sight...

Does everyone know what a flash mob is.  It's supposedly some big get together where a group decides to randomly/sporadically break out into a choreographed dance in the middle of a public setting.  Personally, I don't get it - but to each their own.  Anyway, I was going to play squash last week and we got out of the subway to what I can only describe as an Asian Country Senior Citizen Line Dancing Flash mob.  That's right, about 50 Asian senior citizens line dancing in  the middle of a subway station.  I know nobody would believe this so see the picture below (it's a little blurry because I  was laughing too hard when I took it - but you'll get the drift).  Funniest thing in the world to watch an eighty year old Singaporean man try to line dance.  Kind of looked like myself in the middle of a dance floor.

10. Adios Eva...

It's been a good run with my friend Eva....but I'm happy to report, that I've finally moved into our permanent apartment.  I left Eva a nice note when I left thanking her for all of her help (especially folding my laundry) over the past month and for the entertaining notes that put a smile on my face each night after some long days/nights at the office.

I did have one small issue - when I first moved into the temporary housing back in April, I noticed these little nats/bugs in the bathroom.  Pretty gross.  I told the front desk and they came to my room to spray telling me it was normal. 

A week ago, after a late night out on Saturday, I woke up on Sunday morning after a couple hours of sleep with two of these bugs on my arm.  Needless to say I jumped out of bed and ripped the sheets off and flipped over the mattress to make sure there were no other bugs.  My big concern was all the horror stories you read about bed bugs in hotel rooms.  Luckily I didn't find anymore, but I quickly packed all of my stuff and lugged it over to the new place even though I had a week left at the serviced hotel. 

When I came back a week later to get a couple small things that I left behind, there was one final note from Eva:

"Hello Mr. Mainstruck.  I heard you had bugs in your bed.  Management took care of the situation.  I hope you're not mad at me for the bugs.  I try to keep the place very clean each day."

Matt's response:  What a nice lady.  Not only does she fold my laundry for me, gives me a hug on Easter morning, but she also is concerned that she is the cause of the bugs in my room.  Needless to say, Eva got a nice size tip when I left.

Until next week...hope everyone is doing well!