WEEKS 52-72 [PART 2]

MATT'S TOP 10 FROM SINGAPORE

Weeks 52-72: April 1, 2012 – August 25, 2012  [PART 2]

1. Fa lah lah lah lah lah lah lah lah…

I can’t believe I haven’t written about this sooner whereas it’s one of the things that annoys me the most about living here in Singapore:

Singaporeans and Malaysians use the word ‘lah’ at the end of almost every sentence…

For example:

Matt: “Are you coming to work tomorrow?”

Co-worker: “No lah”

I had a hard time understanding this when I first got here.  To understand what the heck it means, let’s go to the Urban Dictionary (because no one else seems to have a decent definition):

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“lah”

Definition: a slang used mainly by people of South-East Asia (Malaysia and Singapore mainly) to complement almost any sentence available in a social conversation.  suffix of no standard meaning used by Malaysians in their very own version of the English language (affectionately named Manglish or Slinglish in Singapore) to spice up sentences and to express very different meanings according to the way it is said.. people who don't use the -lah slang is considered a snob to a certain degree.

A: Hey, can you lend me five dollars?

B: sorry lah, I need money to pay for my cab and lunch-lah

C: can you help me for a minute?

D: ok-lah.

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Good morning lah, yes lah, no lah, sorry lah, feed me lah, ok lah

JUST SHOOT ME lah…

I just don’t get why everybody has to lah.  I guess you can call me a snob…lah…

2. One of the coolest experiences of my life…that my body still hasn’t forgiven me for…

I’m not sure why, but ever since I started this running kick, I wanted to run the Great Wall Marathon (or half marathon for me).  It always looked like one of those life experiences that I had to do – again, not too sure why.

So needless to say, when I found out it was happening this past May, I signed up for it…And I suckered convinced two of my friends to join - Alister from Singapore, and Lee (my good friend from high school who flew all the way from the States to Beijing to run).

The day started with a 3:30AM pick-up in Beijing for the 3 hour ride out to the Great Wall. 

- First big issue – our driver was late. 

- Second big issue – he didn’t speak a word of English. 

- Third big issue – he had no idea how to get to where we were going – even after I gave him written directions in Mandarin

- Fourth big issue – the guy was a certified Grade A lunatic

We we’re speeding down the highway at a speed of at least 70mph when all of a sudden the driver slams on the brakes and the van begins to fish tail.  The only other vehicles on the road at this hour of the morning were large tractor trailers and tanker trucks…and none were around us so there was no way anyone cut us off causing him to slam on the brakes.  What really happened is the idiot actually fell asleep at the wheel!  I’m not talking a quick doze off here – I’m talking full out, head  slumped over, deep sleep.

This was heart attack #1…

After he shocked himself awake, he started driving even more like a maniac – whipping in and out of the larger tractor trailers and even passing cars on the wrong side of the road heading right into oncoming traffic…The fourth time he went to pass a car on a two lane road with other cars coming right at us, I actually reached over from the back seat and hit the guy – not hard – but hard enough to say ‘get your head out of your arse and get us there alive.’

This was heart attack #2…

This was hands down the scariest car ride of my life – without any exaggeration.

Luckily he somehow got us there in one piece. 

The race itself was almost as psychotic as the ride there.  However, unlike the ride, it was an extremely cool experience.  The first 5KM was straight uphill on a switch back road to the entrance to the wall.  The next 3 km was actually running on the wall.  The steps were so steep that there were actually areas where you had to hold onto a rope to prevent yourselves from falling off the wall and down the mountain/cliff.  I’m not afraid of heights, but my stomach flipped a couple of times.  In total it was 5,164 steps on the Great Wall – quite a workout for the old legs!  After the steep descent off the wall, the remainder of the race was through a Chinese village – it was the type of village where I don’t even think they had running water – it was definitely a humbling experience running through the village and seeing how people lived.  It made me feel very lucky for what we have.

Here's some pictures of the actual race on the wall...

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I think the race can best be summed up by Lee’s actions as we were leaving.  As we headed out the entrance to the race, she looked back at the wall and gave it a great big middle finger salute saying she hopes to never see it again after the abuse it just put us through. 

I think my legs are still hurting…

3. Yum…Yum…

Check out Starbuck’s latest drink offering here in Singapore.  Green Tea with Red Beans.  Kind of makes you wish that they offered these in the States, doesn’t it?  Come on, you can admit you’re just a little jealous.

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4. Debbie and Andy (aka Matt’s parents) visit the other side of the world…

They finally made it.  After almost a year and a half over here, my parents got on an airplane and came for a visit.  Here’s a few highlights from their trip:

a) Experiencing the sights of Singapore - Imagine the look on my mom’s face when we came along this on a hike I took them on.  This sucker was at least 5 feet long with its tail.

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b) I think they also got a good kick out of the monkeys here.  This guy gave them a big old Singapore welcome.

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c) We spent a week in Singapore and then we spent a week in Australia.  We were lucky enough to visit  the Great Barrier Reef in the north east part of the country (Cairns and Port Douglas), spend some time in Sydney, and also head south of Sydney and spend some time in the mountains of Berry, Autralia for a couple of days.  All in all, it was a great trip.  Here’s some pictures:

Cairns, Port Douglas, and Great Barrier Reef/Rainforest Helicopter Trip:

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The Great barrier reef from the air...

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Sydney and Berry, Australia:
Lisa with a Koala...

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Lisa and my Dad feeding the kangaroos...

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5. EMC Offices

Getting to travel to different EMC offices is definitely an eye opening experience.  Here’s some of my more interesting observances:

a)In our Paris office, they actually serve beer and wine in the cafeteria.  Need a quick buzz before a big presentation, just head on down to the café and down a beer or two.  It’s probably best that they don’t offer this in the States J

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b) In our India office in Bangalore, they actually have waiters to get you anything you need.  They routinely come into conference rooms asking if you want anything to drink or eat and then they actually serve it to you!  As much as I don’t like visiting India, I have to say that this was a nice little perk.

c) Even better than waiters, in Korea they pick up your shoes at your desk while you’re working and get them shined for you.  Nothing like getting back from lunch to a fresh pair of shoes everyday!  Also in the Korea office, they’re supper huge on oral hygiene.  In the men’s room I think every employee has a toothbrush next to the sink – complete with toothpaste and mouthwash.  I have no idea how they know who’s is who’s.  On second thought, I don’t even want to think about how they just might NOT know…

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6. Sing what?

Speaking of Korea.  I was with a colleague and we were having a drink in our hotel lounge in Seoul.  There was a live band and they were belting out American hits from artists like Michael Jackson, Tina Turner, and even Guns and Roses.  The funny thing is when we went up and requested a song, they couldn’t understand a word we were saying.  They were able to sing the songs in English but didn’t understand a word of it!  Now granted, I could never sing a song in Korean (even if I did just have to repeat the words).  But I thought it was really funny that they hotel hired a band to sing in English when they didn’t understand a word of it.  Classic…

7. Why can’t the US be this sophisticated?

Car parks (garages) in Singapore are brilliant.  Upon entering them they have electronic signs pointing you to where the open spaces are.  When you look down the aisles, each spot has a light above it – green if it’s empty and red if it’s occupied – that way you can easily tell if a spot is open or not.  When a car pulls into an empty spot, the sensor automatically turns the light red.  Imagine how much easier parking would be in the US at the malls during the Christmas holiday.  It’s the small things in life that impress me the most…

8. Good Morning Vietnam…

If you asked me a year ago if I'd ever visit Vietnam my answer would have probably been no.  Personally I’ve never had the interest in going there after all the negative press the region got during and after the Vietnam War.

That being said, we were given an opportunity to go to Hanoi in April – and let me tell you how happy we were that we went.  Hanoi isn’t the most ‘pretty’ city in the world.  In fact, it’s mass chaos with all the motorcycles, tuk-tuks, mass amounts of people, and sweltering hot heat.  However, there’s a presence about the city that captivates you.  The people are incredibly nice, the food is pretty tasty, and there’s lots to see.  Some of the interesting things we saw:

a) If you want your haircut, there’s no need to go to a barber or a hair salon…all you have to do is saddle up to a chair on the side of the road.  I can’t tell you how many of these makeshift barber stands we saw when we were there.

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b) For some reason (and I’m sure there’s one that I just don’t know), all the houses are long and skinny.  In the US, houses are longer width wise.  In Vietnam, they’re longer length wise.  Pretty interesting to see.

c)  The roads are mass chaos.  Mopeds, scooters, motorcycles, and tuk-tuks are everywhere…and none of them are following any road etiquette.  The traffic situation would boggle your minds.  The only worse place I’ve seen in the world is Sao Paulo, Brazil.  And then to top it all off, they have people randomly walking in the middle of the streets carrying tin baskets like Lisa is modeling below:

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d) Our guide had to actually explain to us how to walk across the street.  There are very few cross walks.  In order to get across the street, you just walk out into traffic and cross.  Normally one would stop and look both ways before crossing  - if there’s a car coming you usually wait for it to pass.  Not in Vietnam.  They tell you to stroll slowly out into the road and slowly cross.  The cars and motorcycles are used to this and will go around you.  I of course was hesitant at first…but the method worked!  A little scary at first with thousands of motorcycles streaming at you, but we quickly got the hang of it.

Here's few random pictures:

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It will be interesting to see if people look at Iraq or Afghanistan the same way as Vietnam is looked at 40 years from now.  It’s hard to even fathom the idea of going to either of these two places as tourist destinations.

9. Pink Brunch…

Speaking of interesting food.  We went to this Pink Brunch here in Singapore where everything was pink – pink champagne, pink chocolate fountains, and pink salmon.  Talk about a ‘fresh catch:’

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It was also a good excuse to be able to drink pink drinks and not get made fun of.  I went for the trifecta of pink drinks because I couldn’t just choose one and risk offending the others:

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10.  Thongtastic…

Remember the coffee thong – from my blog on week 3?  (See picture below)

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Each morning when I buy my juice on the way into work, they also put it in a thong.  Let me tell you – I was a non-believer at first sight.  Some may even say I poked fun at the idea.  However, I’ve been converted – I’m now  a huge fan of the beverage thong.  When your hands are full and you’re trying to fumble with your work badge/id to get on the elevators in the morning, the thong proves to be quite handy.  Nothing like being able to dangle your coffee/juice on one finger without the risk of spilling it everywhere.  I’m going to try to start the beverage thong movement when I get back to the States.  It’s going to be my million dollar idea that I’m going to retire on… 

  

If the beverage thongs weren’t enough, they also have pizza thongs here too…

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Until next time, hope everyone is doing well…



WEEKS 52-72 [PART 1]

MATT'S TOP 10 FROM SINGAPORE

Weeks 52-72: April 1, 2012 – August 25, 2012  [PART 1]

Long time no blog.  It seems that I have got myself into a pattern of going long periods before finding the time to sit down to write on our ‘adventures.’   I’ve gone almost 5 months this time.  So I figured that with nothing better to do on a Friday at 5:00 that I’d whip up a blog entry.  Hopefully you haven’t forgotten about us!

As with all of our lives, a lot happens in 4 months.  For this reason, I had to again split this edition into a couple of blogs posts whereas I had more than 10 things to write about…and a ‘Top 10’ list wouldn’t be the same with 20 entries J

So for those interested, here’s Part 1:

1. Lions and tigers and bears...

So there might not be any lions and bears, but there are definitely tigers!

I love animals…always have.  So when we were told about this place outside of Bangkok, Thailand where you could go ‘play’ with real tigers, we had to go!  They definitely weren’t kidding when they said you could play with the tigers.  Everything from holding baby cubs, to bathing, feeding, and walking the ‘big boys,’ to even getting to play with them in their pens…pretty amazing experience!

Taking the tiger for a "walk:" 

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Baby Tiger - acted just like a little kitten trying to nibble at the back of your feet:

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Feeding the tiger some raw chicken as a reward for not biting my head off:

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Playing with the tigers in their pens with a garbage bag filled up with air on the end of a stick:

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This one is by far my favorite picture - As I was 'bathing' the tiger, it turned around and growled at me.  The trainer (this 18 year old girl - who made me feel really confident) wound up and slapped the tiger on the nose as I was the one still washing it.  The look on Lisa's face says it all...

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So if you’ve been keeping score…we’re now bringing home an elephant, a kangaroo, and a tiger.  I think we might get some push back from our townhouse association’s ‘ one pet rule.’  (Scott and Neil - could you bring this up at the next board meeting?)

2. Singapore's population, it needs some increasin'…

Ohhhh Singapore…you’ve truly out done yourself this time.

August 9 is Singapore’s National Day – similar to our July 4^th in the US.  The day is marked by a huge National Day Parade, show, and firework display at night.  For a little country, they do put on quite the production.

As they have many times in the past, the Singapore government has been asking the population of Singapore to help increase its natural population.  Singapore's current fertility rate is about 1 child born per woman, which is one of the lowest in the world.  At the end of June 2011, the island's population was approximately 5.2 million with only 3.3 million being citizens…hence the belief by the Singapore government that they need to increase their natural born.  From what I’ve heard, the government has been taking measures to promote fertility in the country, such as running a dating service called the Social Development Network and supposedly offering parents $18,000 for having a fifth child.  There are also tax breaks for families with children, government paid maternity leave, and government subsidized singles' events like speed dating and dancing lessons.

So what  does National Day and increasing the Singapore population have in common?  Funny you should ask…

Leading up to this past National Day, the Singapore government has again come out asking their natural Singaporeans to ‘step up’ their game when it comes to re-producing.  In response, Mentos created the following advertisement encouraging people to ‘get their freak on on National Night (their words, not mine).’

I’m telling you – this is absolutely priceless…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jxU89x78ac

Some of my favorite lines:

"Let your patriotism explode. Because it's National Night."

“It’s time do our civic duty.  And I’m not talking about speeches, fireworks, or parades.  I’m talking about the stuff AFTER that stuff. I’m talking about making a baby”

This little campaign even made CNN back in the States...

Gotta love Singapore…so 'proud' to call this place our home (for now) J

 

3. Water for Elephants…

I’m an adrenaline junkie.  You name it, I’ll do it – jump out of a plane, bungee jump, roller coasters…I’ll always be the first one in line.  So you can imagine how excited I was when I heard of this place where you could ride a ‘bucking’ elephant. 

Ok – so maybe it wasn’t bucking (or even advertised that way), but it was still a rush.  We got to ride an elephant into a river and then try to see how long we could stay on its back when it tried to toss us off – very similar to a rodeo.  I tried three times and the longest I could stay on was 4 seconds – much harder than you would think…

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Very cool experience  – especially getting to stand on an elephant’s head!

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Not cool – having big bricks of elephant sh%* floating by you in the water.  Pretty gross – but we did get to clean off right after.  Lisa was a real trooper going along on this one with me!

  

4. Spoiled brat…

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Hey you...that's right the spoiled brat sitting in business class with your seat fully reclined before the plane even takes off playing Angry Birds.  It must be nice to be 12 years old and flying on a $6,000 plane ticket to Singapore eating fillet mignon and ice cream sundaes.  At least have some decency and not fully recline your seat until us cattle have had a chance to sit down in our toilet class seats at the back of the bus.

I’m not jealous or anything…

5. Speaking of flying…

My job here requires me to travel a bit – so as you can imagine, I spend some time on airplanes.  Over the past 18 months, I’ve developed a keen sense of airplane etiquette. 

Here’s some of Matt’s ‘best practices’ when it comes to flying.  I’d like to call them rules, but ‘best practices’ sound more pc…

1. Please, please, please, please, please, please DO NOT EVER use the pillows on airplanes.  If you’re reading this, I consider you a friend and this is for your own good.  I don’t care if you get the worst neck ache because you had to lean against the friendly stranger sitting next to you for 10 hours, please do not use the pillows.

So why do I say this.  On a recent trip back from the US to Singapore, I had a very sick person sitting next to me.  He had come down with some really bad flu symptoms.  Now granted, I’ve been sick on an airplane before and it’s not fun…so I really felt for this guy.  That is until he took his pillow and blew his nose in it.  I kid you not here.  The guy used his pillow like a Kleenex.  This didn’t just happen once either.  It happened throughout the entire flight.  His airline pillow became his personal tissue packet.

For those of you out there saying not to worry because they change the covers on airplane pillows, think again.  First, they’re only skimpy paper like covers which snot germs would definitely go through.  Second, they probably only change them once a month – if we’re lucky.  So please do us all a favor and do not use the pillows on airplanes.

2. Under no circumstance is it ok to walk around an airplane barefoot.  I might be ok with people putting on the socks that airlines provide on long flights – but ONLY if you don’t walk into the bathroom.  People – do you know what an airplane’s bathroom looks like after 15 hours in the air.  For those who have not had the absolute pleasure of flying that long in a plane, they are not pleasant…pee on the floor, used paper towels everywhere, and a smell that competes with a sewer.  Whenever I see people walking around barefoot and going into these bathrooms, I want to literally throw up.  To top this, when they also have their kids toting behind them barefoot, I want to climb out of my skin.

And besides – I don’t want to look at your gross feet for 10 hours J

Ok – I’m off my soap box now…

6. Now I’ve seen it all…

It takes a lot to shock me now-a-days here in good old Asia.  The days of me being surprised when I walk into a bathroom and see a naked men clipping his toe nails in the urinal feels like years ago.  These types of things kind of come like second nature these days…see how much being 11,000 miles away has numbed my senses.  Actually, come to think of it, we did see an odd thing at the airport just recently that was a bit shocking.  At a little past midnight, Lisa and I were waiting for my parents to land and there was this random guy sitting in the waiting area with a pair of scissors cutting his face.  He sat there for over 20 minutes just snipping away at his skin.  The blades must have been dull because he wasn’t bleeding – but he was really going at himself.  Obviously the poor guy was not mentally 100% there, but odd nonetheless to see someone cutting his face in an airport waiting area.

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I digress, sorry...the real thing I wanted to write about when I said that I’ve now seen it all is from a recent trip to Bangkok.  We were travelling down the road in this pathetic excuse for a car, when this motorcycle goes flying by us…with a dog standing up on the back!  The guy must have been going 60+ km/hr (about 40+ mph – ugh, I’m doing this kilometer thing again…damn metrics system).  Either way, the dog was balancing itself on the back of the bike as if it was out for just another joy ride.  You don’t see this everyday in the States!

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7. Bangkok - enough said...

So here’s how I would sum up our trip to Bangkok, Thailand:

Been there once – probably won’t go back.

The Tiger Temple I described above was very cool…riding and swimming with elephants was also very cool. They also definitely have some interesting nightlife.  Outside of this, I personally have no interest in retuning.  That being said, lots of people love Bangkok for a number of different reasons – and I totally respect that – it just wasn’t my personal cup of tea.

A couple observations from our trip:

a) One thing Thailand does very well is stop lights.  When you pull up to a red light, they actually have a countdown to when it will turn green.  Right above the light they have an electronic screen displaying this countdown to when you can go.  Very nice for when you’re busy looking at your iPhone or Blackberry :)

b) Instead of shaking hands, you're supposed to Thais "wai" to greet people.  The "wai" is a short bow done with your hands held fingertips-together close to your chest or face.  Even Ronald McDonald (below) greets you that way...

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And BTW - They love American music…I can’t tell you how loud our taxi driver had ‘Hotel California’ blaring in the car…

8. Did somebody pass away?

I walked by this store the other day and thought somebody had passed away with the large funeral type flowers standing outside the store.  Come to find out it was a grand opening celebration and people supposedly send these large flower arrangements to wish the new owners good luck.  Odd - but a nice touch.

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9.  Is it me or is there something missing here?

In honor of the recent Olympics, I thought I’d throw this little gem at you. 

For those that think basketball is difficult, you should try NetBall.  Supposedly the sport originated in the US, but I had to come to Singapore to actually see the game played.  It’s essentially basketball without a backboard.  I’d like to see Kobe try this out…

Watching American sports is definitely one of the things I miss here the most - although I can’t say that I’m upset about not being able to see my Red Sox continue their epic collapse from last season…there’s always football season to look forward to – Go Pats!

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10. And you thought I forgot…

My blog would not be complete without at least one bathroom reference…

This is more a question than a reference.  Why does every bathroom in Singapore have a step at the door?  Lisa asked me this question recently.  It’s not just public bathrooms.  Even the bathrooms we have in our house have steps.

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After much thought I finally realised that the answer was pretty simple.  Because no one here knows how to properly use a toilet and insists on peeing on the floor, the steps must be there to keep all the pee on the floor from escaping.  I can’t come up with any other explanation…

I LOVE the bathrooms in Asia!

Until next time, hope everyone is doing well…